One of the greatest challenges facing families today is the lack of leadership by husbands. Some men are unaware that God has ordained them for this role, while others simply do not know how to lead. Still, others choose not to lead. Many men do not realize that the serious problems occurring in their homes often stem from their failure to lead. This lack of leadership creates a chain reaction of marriage, financial, and parenting issues that affects everyone. Let us explore why husbands fail to lead and how they can start leading their wives and families effectively.
Understanding the Problem: Why Do Husbands Fail to Lead?
There are several reasons why men struggle to take the lead in their homes today:
- Lack of Role Models: Many men did not see good male leadership modeled in their own homes growing up.
- Fear of Misinterpretation: Some pastors avoid teaching about a husband’s leadership role for fear of being accused of male chauvinism.
- Laziness: Some husbands find it easier to let their wives take over the leadership role.
- Discouragement: Some men give up when their wives challenge their leadership, often reminding them of past poor decisions.
- Manipulation: Some husbands are manipulated by their wives through tears, denial of sex, or constant verbal harassment to relinquish leadership.
Despite these challenges, none of these reasons are valid excuses for a husband not being the leader of his home.
Establishing Confidence in Your Leadership Role
Paul the apostle made it clear that the husband must take the leadership in his home when he wrote to the Ephesian church: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). The term “head” in this passage means the chief or responsible one. Paul used the example of Christ as the head over the church to illustrate the husband’s responsibility to lead his wife and family. Therefore, if you want to be a follower of Jesus, look to Him as the ultimate example of true male leadership.
Steps to Leading Your Home Effectively
- Lead by Loving: A husband’s leadership must be rooted in love. Paul told the leaders of the Corinthian Church to “let all that you do be done with love” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14). Love should govern everything you say and do in your leadership role.
- Lead by Initiating: Love will motivate you to become an initiator. A leader doesn’t wait for others to take action; he makes the first move. Initiate the spiritual tone in your home, prayer, family devotions, problem-solving, communication, and opportunities to spend time with your spouse and children.
- Lead by Example: Jesus emphasized the importance of leading by example. He told His disciples, “I have given you an example that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15). Paul also urged his followers to imitate him as he imitated Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1). Your example will inspire respect and trust in your leadership.
- Lead in Management: As a husband, you are to manage your family. This doesn’t mean doing everything but ensuring it all gets done. Paul explained that if a man cannot rule his own house, he cannot take care of the church of God (1 Timothy 3:5).
- Lead Spiritually: To lead spiritually, you must first be a spiritually committed man. Seek first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33) and love the Lord with all your heart (Deuteronomy 6:5-7). Share what God has taught you from your devotional time with your family.
- Lead Morally: Moral leadership flows from your spiritual life. The Word of God must be the foundation for every moral decision in your life and home. Your life should reflect godly standards and truth.
- Lead in Reconciliation: Take the lead in reconciling after conflicts with your wife or children. Jesus initiated reconciliation with us, and you should follow His example (Luke 19:10).
- Lead by Serving: Jesus demonstrated that leadership involves serving others. He washed the disciples’ feet, setting an example for us to follow (John 13:14-16). Be willing to serve your family in practical ways.
- Lead in Decision-Making: Decision-making is one of the most challenging aspects of the husband-wife relationship. If you lead in loving, initiating, being an example, spiritual life, ministry, moral standards, and service, your wife will likely trust your leadership in decision-making. Seek counsel, hear all sides of an issue, and consider the best interests of your wife and family.
Being the leader in your home is a significant responsibility, but it comes with great rewards. You will be blessed, and your family will be blessed if you become the leader God has called you to be. Ask God to empower you with His anointing to be the man He has called you to be, and you will lead your home in the fear of God. Take this opportunity to seek His guidance and begin His work in you.
Final Reflection
“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in my house. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” – Haim G. Ginott, Teacher and Child: A Book for Parents and Teachers
